Saturday, November 25, 2006

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Rodney vs. Daewon
Round Three

567 PICS

Thursday, February 02, 2006

"I Yell At My Cats"

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Subtitles are Fun!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Chronic of Narnia

All sorts of genius.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Best of Quagmire

Giggity Giggity


Ball Puncher

Mortal Kombat!

Jessica Alba Nude
I think it's fake.

Late Christmas gift idea?

Christmas Classics

Ding Fries Are Done

Topless Gymnastics

Thursday, November 03, 2005


The Oompa Loompa Titty Club Song
(MP3 - 7MB)


I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.


Angry While Drinking

Toilet Scare

Thursday, October 27, 2005

My Genius Quote of the Week

"All my assholes are neighbors."

Sunday, October 23, 2005


Every night I put smoke a big bag of crank and watch this video over and over again.

Hot Girl Eats Praying Mantis



Nick Burns

A Roshanda by Any Other Name


The California data establish just how dissimilarly black and white parents have named their children over the past 25 years or so—a remnant, it seems, of the Black Power movement. The typical baby girl born in a black neighborhood in 1970 was given a name that was twice as common among blacks than whites. By 1980, she received a name that was 20 times more common among blacks. (Boys' names moved in the same direction but less aggressively—likely because parents of all races are less adventurous with boys' names than girls'.) Today, more than 40 percent of the black girls born in California in a given year receive a name that not one of the roughly 100,000 baby white girls received that year. Even more remarkably, nearly 30 percent of the black girls are given a name that is unique among every baby, white and black, born that year in California. (There were also 228 babies named Unique during the 1990s alone, and one each of Uneek, Uneque, and Uneqqee; virtually all of them were black.)


Sox win a shocker.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Ch-Check Out the Info

If you fuck this up, I'm gonna kill you."

Stupidest comment ever.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005


Monday, October 17, 2005


Wednesday, October 12, 2005

White Lines


Saturday, October 08, 2005

Napoleon and Pedro made spots for the Utah State Fair.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

DICK is behind BUSH

I will:

1) Post more.

b) Take more pictures.

III. Join 43 things.