Wednesday, February 25, 2004

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

And other gems from the genius mind of Steven Wright.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I had amnesia once or twice.

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...
"Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me
and keeps typing.