Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Eh, I’ve had some issues with my ISP lately, hopefully those issues have been resolved, it was my understanding that the issues to be resolved had been resolved yesterday, but these issues were in fact not yet resolved. All other inquiries should be directed to your mom.

Sunday, March 28, 2004


Andy Milonakis is just fucking awesome. I love that kid.

Shake That Ass Bitch!!!

I see you baby - Shakin' that ass...

Scotty Doesn't Know
I think I only like this because just seeing Fred Armisen makes me laugh.

That site's being retarded, so watch THIS instead.

Anonymous online confessions.

The Official Ninja Webpage

This site has always cracked me up, you gotta love the Big Pimpin' midi.
And yes, the purpose of the ninja really is to flip out and kill people.

Cleaning Out My Closet

Some old links that never made it.

The Exorcist in 30 seconds (and re-enacted by bunnies) - Strange boob thing (NSFW) - Short-arm-guy - That Mellisa Lincoln chick really is pretty hot (NSFW) - Asian Tatoo Revenge - SCHOOLBUS!!! (weee) - Hey Ya, Charlie Brown (mov) - Karate Chimp (mov) - Strange game. - Hump Fiend - This guy rocks your browser - There really is a - Camel Toe Song (mov) - This will give you carpel tunnel - Easily the most frustrating thing ever. - The Ladder Theory of adult male/female interaction. - Still the grossest thing EVER... VERY NSFW - Okay, so maybe THIS is the most disgusting thing ever... VERY NSFW - Okay, THIS REALLY IS... VERY NSFW - Read my boobs?? (NSFW) - Press the play button to watch the chick work out. - Sissy Jennifer - Britney & Madonna (NSFW) - This can't be a real headline. - Skateboard/Monkey safety - Store your valuables next to your skidmarks - Music Mixer - Dangerous curves (NSFW) - Now this is a resignation letter. - The Racial Slur Database...


I got a really good deal, though.
Of all the dumb things I've bought off E-bay lately, a ten pack of these stickers definitely tops the list as the dumbest of those dumb things. (Cause it's dumb)

Saturday, March 27, 2004

i am not a criminal

Fuck the police, Fuck the police, Fuck, Fuck.


$115, can you believe that? That is fucking bullshit.

I hate cops, I hate Euless, I hate parks, and I hate rainbows.

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Powered by audblogaudio post powered by audblog

Subliminal advertising is still running strong. Pay attention...

This is hard...

Courtney Hole's lumpy tit...

Easily Amused
Fridge art is the shit!
This is funny to me on so many different levels...

Monday, March 22, 2004


I'll be damned, Mark Cuban started a blog.... Now this is really good, everything from his daily routine, bitching about refs, his superstitions,

I suck
Posted Mar 18, 2004, 6:36 PM ET

It was a long night for me. I guess I have to apologize to all Mavs fans for last night’s game. I took the Hawks too lightly. I thought I could prove to myself that superstitions are ridiculous. I thought of any game, this was the game where I didn’t have to wear the right shirt. I didn’t have to stop at 7-Eleven and get my two sugar-free Red Bulls and Diet Mountain Dew.

I tried to right the wrong at halftime when we were way down by changing shirts. It wasn’t enough.

Plugging his reality show, bitching about refs, stories about dealing with the media,

My normal pre-game routine is to come to the arena, shoot around if I get here early enough, and then do the gauntlet stairmaster in our locker room for 30 or 45 minutes, then stretch. My workout usually coincides with the media doing pre-game interviews and I always invite them to ask me questions while I’m huffing and puffing. It makes the time seem to go by a little faster.

Today, I got there in time to do 30 minutes, popped on the stairmaster, and started watching the Port vs. Indy game on ESPN. Of course they break in with a tease that I have been fined, and to stay tuned to find out why. Out of break, they come back with ”…has been fined for offering to pay any of his players for retaliating against Bruce Bowen,” and it was in response to this play.

And they show a replay of Fin vs. Bowen.

Talk about predictable.

A couple minutes later the reporters show up to ask me about it. The Dallas Morning News had already posted the same misinformation on their website. When I questioned the reporter who wrote it, he dismissed it as only being the website. Then he tried to make the point that I actually beat the league and got off lucky because I only was fined 10k dollars — that it was nothing — till I asked him if he wanted to pay it.

But that’s not the good stuff.

It was then I told them that rather than providing any commentary or quotes to them on this matter, or on any upcoming matters, I would be posting whatever I had to say on my blog. They were not happy.

”How are we going to ask you follow up questions?” I explained that he could email me directly or from the site, but that I would most likely post his question and my response. “Is the league sending a message that they didn’t want you talking to reporters?” Ding ding ding. Give him a lollipop.

I went on to explain that this was the best way for all of us. They could get all the quotes and information they needed. “Will this be just you writing it, or will you dictate it to someone else?”

The satisfaction of knowing that each will have to explain to their editors what a blog is — and argue for who knows how long about whether or not is an attributable source — crept over me and that jaunt on the gauntlet flew by.

Time for the game: GO MAVS!

You know he loves to talk, and I usually find it really hard not to listen. Definitely some good shit, and definitely something I'll be keeping up with.

Friday, March 19, 2004


Make a nigga wanna stop...

The Random Masturbation Synonym Generator

st. patty's day in 60 words or less

I woke up this afternoon, at home, in my bed, fully clothed, with my shoes on, which are brand new, and were covered in mud, with my car keys, cigarettes and lighter laying next to me, wearing a wrist bracelet and mardi gras beads, and I had absolutely zero recollection of how the fuck I got there.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

The Grey Album

"DJ Danger Mouse remixed the vocals from Jay-Z's The Black Album and the Beatles' White Album and called his creation The Grey Album. He sent about 3,000 promo copies out, and was soon served with a cease-and-desist notice from EMI, who owns the rights to the White Album master. Danger Mouse complied with EMI's order, but Stay Free! (sponsors of the Illegal Art Exhibit) and other fans and activists continued distributing the record over the Internet."

This is actually pretty damn good. They entire album is available for download HERE.

Separated at birth?

How to Use a Vagina

Click me, dumbshit.

The top 10 ways for fat people to make me hate them less
(Found here.)

Have you ever been just minding your own business and then, out of nowhere, a fat guy is there? Well, today that happened to me. I had just gotten done filling my car up with gas and BAM, fat guy. Some people say they like fat people because they make them feel better about themselves. I, however, hate fat people because they're fat. If fat people were a little less fat, I might not have a problem with them.

Now, this particular fat guy I saw today wasn't any ordinary fat guy...wait, yeah he was. He was fat and lazy. Anyway, on the way home, I saw this fat guy, who, instead of riding his bike, was pushing it along the sidewalk. Now I'm not real clear on this, but wouldn't it be a little more exercise to get on the bike? I realize that pushing a bike is more effort than walking without a bike, but....oh, wait, I get it. He broke the bike and had to walk it home. Now it all makes sense, and I don't hate fat people so much any more. Wait, yeah I do. But to help fat people be less hated by me, I've compiled this list of ways to make me hate you less.

10. Stop being fat, or break your bike better next time. Either way I'll hate you less.

9. Get a job. I could tell from the way you push your bike that you don't have a job.

8. Go to college. This will help in getting a job, plus when you're in college people will hate you so much for being fat that you might lose some weight. If the hatred doesn't work, then all the beer probably will, because once you have enough to pass out, all of your frat buddies will kick you in the gut one time, and you'll wake up lighter.

7. Make fun of other fat people because fat people making fun of other fat people is hilarious.

6. Stop eating fried chicken. I hate seeing fat people eating fried chicken.

5. Become a stand up comedian. Funny fat people are the only ones that should be allowed to live.

4. Become black, gay, or Jewish. Then people will be mad at me if I keep on hating you for being a fat asshole.

3. Cure cancer, or better yet diabetes since that's a little more applicable.

2. Develop super powers, especially the power to fly. Man, flying fat people would be awesome.

1. Get stuck in a doorway. That'd be pretty funny, and I'd have to run up and jump kick you to get you un-stuck.

The Sopranos
Huh, her FHM page seems to be down, the pics are also here. Or you could go watch Dr. Melfi.



Blame Something On Me! Anything!! NR!

I'll Tell You How ANYTHING Works!!

What's In My Pocket?

Hessian Love


Fatness Ahead...


Keep your floormats clean.

Monday, March 08, 2004

Weapon of Choice

Christopher Walken or Stick Man.


Sunday, March 07, 2004

Friday, March 05, 2004

The Passion

No, I have not seen The Movie. No, I do not want to hear about The Movie. I understand that’s it’s powerful, and that it made an impact upon you. I’m happy for you, but I’m beginning to feel like I should wear a sign around work declaring my disinterest in hearing about how great and/or violent you felt it was. Until then, I will tell you the same thing I’ve told all the others. I’m gonna wait for the sequel. I don’t want it to leave me hanging and make me wait in anticipation for part two, like I felt after seeing The Matrix Reloaded or the first Weekend at Bernie’s.
Anyways, if I ever feel like reading for two hours, I’ve got a subscription to Maxim.

Demon Balls

Separate your red balls from your blue balls. Good clean at work time kill have fun good brain numbing keep awake joy like game thing.

A few cool vids to download.

Virtual Reality

The amazingly super awesome Virtual Drumkit, now with numeric keypad operation!!

And don't miss the Virtual Stapler, in case some asshole steals your Swingline.

Empty Spaces

Real Audio clip of the intro of Pink Floyd's Empty Spaces played forwards, and then backwards. Funny.
Clip from Underground Noize.

Spiderman 2 Trailer

Feed The Nine-Mouthed Baby Game

This kinda scares me...

Japanese Yo-Yo Championships

A nation's answer to overpopulation issues.


Google Search: Miserable Failure.

Monday, March 01, 2004