Monday, May 31, 2004

Baby Lars

Friday, May 28, 2004

I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here Today

Details of Jim's visit to the Quick Stop and Video stores from Clerks, complete with directions and a few pics.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

It's so sad. People and their sandwiches. People looking forward to eating their sandwiches. You know, they'll be working or doing something really stupid like polishing their furniture, and they'll say: "Oh things aren't so bad; at least I got that sandwich to look forward to!"
And then around noon or maybe 10 am, they'll take out their sandwich, and take little tiny bites of that thing and think about little tiny pieces of change that would make them happy; you know, if they could only lose four or five pounds. If the movie they'd seen the night before could only be slightly better. They don't ask much, the Sandwich People. Sad as snake snot.

The only thing sadder than the Sandwich People, are the Poo People. You know, the Poo People: adults who sleep alone every night, but everyday you see 'em walkin' their three pound dogs. If it were a fish you'd throw it back! But they love it and they walk it. They walk it with little plastic bags on their hands. Waitin' for their little three-pounder to have his poo. And when he does, they pick it up. And feel that heat in their hand. As if to say: "I am alive!!"

The only thing sadder than the Poo People, are the Happy People. Yeah, the Happy People, you know, sitting in their cars, smiling at police, keeping their change in their wallets, remembering peoples birthdays, pleased as punch they didn't get murdered. Sad, sad, sad are the Happy People.

I guess the only thing sadder than the Happy People, are the Village People. Yes the Village People are the very saddest of all. They can't believe they wrote that song about the YMCA...they've never been to the YMCA. That cowboy doesn't want to be a cowboy anymore! He wants to be a grownup! Right now he's in some town, doing bizarre choreographed moves, thinkin' to himself: "Well at least I got that sandwich to look forward to."

Sunday, May 23, 2004

JESUS CHRIST ACTION FIGURE



Commercial for the Jesus Christ Action Figure (with walk-on-water-action). Check it out.

Britney's Subliminal Message?

WHAT THE FUCK?

Now this is just fucking strange. Like really, REALLY fucking strange.

Youth of Britian

You can't go wrong with Rob Manuel and Joel Veitch doing the animation. Pretty cool song, too.

ANDY KAUFMAN'S BLOG

In case you haven't heard, Andy Kaufman faked his own death, and now he's beginning his comeback by starting a blog...

Drugs are bad, mmkay?

London mayor gets my vote.

Friday, May 21, 2004

WACKO JACKO INTERVIEW

Roy Orbison In Clingfilm

This confuses me as much as anything has ever confused me in my entire life.

X-Tina

Vulva Puppet Gallery??

Donkey Porn??

Banana Phone.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Make Your Own Church Sign




Make Your Own License Plate




Make Your Own VD Heart



Plus a whole bunch more generators

I'm a personal fitness trainer and have a deep admiration for the female form‚ fit yet feminine, hard‚ curvacious muscles sends my "senses" into a state of fantasy. Tonya Harding is no exception. I visualize her walking into my fitness center in her workout clothes‚ short shorts‚ tube top. She asks me for a consultation and a tour of my club, wants to know about my center before she becomes a part of it. It's late‚ about an hour before closing. When my last client leaves Tonya asks for a personal training session to help her with weight lifting. I can’t help but notice her muscular legs‚ tone arms‚ firm ass. She even catches me looking at her and smiles ever so slightly.
About a half hour has passed into her personal training session and I find myself feeling sensations. I know it is not right because she is a client but I cannot resist my urges. As she breaths heavier and starts to sweat, I look upon her incredible body with more desire. I know she senses my urges and responds. I brush up against her moist skin and the erotic chemical reaction of my body touching‚ absorbing her essence arouses me. I cannot hide my urges any longer. I need to touch those legs‚ that ass. As she lay on the bench resting I touch her moist leg with my fingertips and it's like an electric shock. Her reaction is not of shock but that of wontan desire. Now I know she wants what I want‚ to satisfy the sensations of our bodies. I must have that body‚ to feel every inch of her muscles beneath my fingers to taste the sweat of her desire. We kiss as if it will be the last time that we encounter another human being‚ exploring each others moist and wanting mouths. She stands and removes her cloths starting with her top and then her shorts and finally her shoes and socks.

Oh the sight of exquisite‚ hard body. All I want is to feel her‚ taste her‚ know every curve of her ass‚ her tits‚ to explore her moist womanhood. I take her, lay her on the bench and I become a part of her‚ we become one. I feel her hot moistness engulf me as I enter her inch by inch. Her breathing becomes heavier‚ her sighs louder. I become harder with every thrust and deeper I explore her. My sweat becomes a part of her sweat‚ my body a part of hers. I look into her eyes and I see her reaching the heighth of extase‚ her body looses control of all muscle reaction‚ except for one place. She squeezes harder as she reaches ultimate sensation. I must let go with her and I explode into the ageless state of animalistic fulfilment. Neither know of anything around us but that of intense burning extase. After we cannot do anything but lay there‚ resting‚ regaining our humanity. As she gets dressed and ready to leave no words are said‚ only looks‚ glances of gratitude and fulfilment. Never was she seen again‚ only in my mind and body. Tonya Harding‚ my ultimate fantasy come true!





How fucked up is this??? This is from Tonya Harding's official site, where people can post their own personal Tonya Harding fantasty "all in fun." Creepy.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Biggest give-up answer. Ever.
So I had my Geology final last night.
Essay Question: Discuss the famous discovery by G. Mendel and draw the appropriate sketch.
My Answer: I believe that George Mendel invented Post-It Notes. (My drawing of a post-it looked a lot like a square.)

Sick
Ever wonder what happens when fat people have plastic surgery to make them non-fat people? Go see. It's gross.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Britney Or Not?
Nah, but it can't hurt ya to stare at it. NSFW

Thursday, May 06, 2004

CHIPMUNKS


(WATCH VIDEO)

The Dot Game

Simcumlativtaneously annoying and frustrating.

STUPID DRAWINGS


From A Stupid Stupid Man

One more reason why David Bowie is cool.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

If you do a Google Image Search for "I love Mexicans", this is the first picture that shows up:



Ole!

Update: Happy Birthday Tina Yothers!!

Update #2: Make no mistake about it; I smack a mean piñata.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

We Are Space People!!

Monday, May 03, 2004

Swirly Girl answers my questions.
(You no longer havta scroll down.)