Saturday, July 31, 2004

Anna Benson

Anna Benson has issues … with major League Baseball. Not the kind Pete Rose faces but ones that are far more personal. The wife of Pittsburgh Pirate ace Kris Benson has made it her mission to take on one of sport’s oldest taboos: No sex before a game.

“I hate it. There’s no scientific proof that sex is going to hurt your pitching performance,” says Anna. But she’s fighting an uphill battle that dates back decades. Advocates of abstaining prior to competition are legion and range from trainers to coaches to athletes. But Anna persists.

“Each player has his own ritual, and Kris’s is no sex when he pitches. It pisses me off because if you tell me I can’t have something then that just makes me want it more. I like having sex with Kris. We’ve had some pretty nasty fights over this issue.”

The upside to her personal crusade is that she believes she has found the cure to the curse facing every pro athlete’s wife: groupies. Her simple solution: sex.

“Sex is healthy and wonderful,” Anna says. “And we like it. But we do it with each other, and we stay within the promises we made when we were married.” Sex is not only healthy for the Bensons, it’s also a personal adventure, one that Kris and Anna don’t mind talking about. “If what we have to say helps other couples, then that’s a good thing,” Anna says.

So what do the Bensons do to keep their sex life so exciting? Pretty much whatever they feel like. “We like video taping ourselves while having sex,” Anna says. “It’s a lot of fun making sex tapes. We share them only with each other. I mean, what guy doesn’t want to videotape himself and his woman having sex? All men want to.” Another of the couple’s aphrodisiacs is phone sex. “Every time Kris goes out of town, one of the first things we do is get on the phone and have phone sex. It’s still the two of us. The only difference is a phone and a movie going on.”

Then, of course, there is the more obvious solution. “Sometimes I’ll fly to whatever city where the Pirates are playing, and if Kris isn’t pitching then we have sex.” These road trips are a part of a nationwide quest for the couple. “We want to christen every city that Kris has played in during his professional career,” Anna says. “We have a ways to go, but that’s something we want to do. We haven’t even done it at the new stadium in Pittsburgh [PNC Park], but I’m sure we’ll get that done.”

The Pirates’ old home, legendary Three Rivers Stadium, was site of one of the couple’s more bizarre encounters. “We hadn’t had sex for a few days so we got into the back seat of our SUV in the parking lot at Three Rivers and while we were doing it fans were beating on the windows,” Anna says. The vehicle had tinted windows so the Bensons continued their business. “We finished screwing then Kris got out and greeted the fans. Hell, I’m not stopping sex with my man so some overzealous fan can have an autograph!

And no matter how much energy he may exert during the game, Kris knows he has a follow-up performance when he steps off the field.

“After Kris has pitched in a game, we’re usually half naked before we get home and then we get after it. We’ve even pulled over and had sex on the way home.”

So the next time you see Kris Benson giving it his all on the mound for the Pirates, remember … his night is still very young.

Ebay At It's Finest

"Now these pictures just arnt any plain old boring pictures but photos that have captured the exciting lustful drunken epic college experience and stories that make up my unusual and titillating life of an armless drunken maniac."

Anal Seepage | Magical Trevor

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

This is me leaving Circuit City.

Sunday, July 25, 2004


The mix from 11/29/03 has ruled my car for two straight nights.

My Favorite Audio Post of the Week

Saturday, July 24, 2004


All systems gone! Prepare for downcount!

Hot Wings!
Read the story of one man's triumph over some very hot hot wings.

Friday, July 23, 2004

Hooray Beer





Good beer.

Better bottle.

Simplicity at it's finest.

Even better while enjoying a Simpson family overload.

Hey, there's Ashlee!!

Oops, now it's Jessica's turn!!

Hey, is that Jessica on Ashlee's show?? WEIRD!!

And watching these shows make you dumber.


"Hey, when's Art coming home with the White Stripes?"

the what?

"The White Stripes."

the band is coming over?

"Shit, I meant Red Stripe."


But at least I donated $10 to a church yesterday.

Beat that.


I get 2 questions asked of me all the time.


Numero one.

Are you gay?

Number dos.

What's sexy to you re: a chick?

First question.



I like chicks.

Way too much, actually.

Girls walk all over me, step on my niceness to put a heel into my eye.

It's cute.

But I continue on.


Cuz there's that one.

THE one.

And you gotta go through the bullshit to find the one, and because of the bullshit, you'll appreciate her even more.

All I know is that the ONE better be rich.

And hot.

Rich and hot.

Or hot and rich.

I'm not picky.

And she'll fly us to Barbados on her daddy's credit card and we'll sit on the beach drinking Mai Tai's out of a coconut served to us by a topless woman.

We'll look into each others eyes.

She'll begin to say something.


I'll put my finger to her lips.

"Me first."

And I'll gaze deep into her.

And then I'll say...

"What the hell was your name again?"




But on to number 2.


Here's sexy.

Girls holding a longneck bottle, a gun, or a cigar.

A great ass.

Nice legs.

Adorable feet.

Cute shoes.


Style. Her own style. A girl who doesn't give a fuck, wears what she wants because she wants to, not because Sarah Jessica told her it's hot.

Can dance.

Has confidence.

Will wrestle with me.

The list goes on and on.

Sexy is sexy.

That's as simple as it is to break it down.

Sexy is what sexy is. You don't become sexy.

You have it.

You're born with it.

You just breathe and ooze sex.

And I've met a million and 4 sexy girls.

But I don't drive an Escalade and I'm not pullin in the major figgas.

I drink Red Stripe beer and I watch Newlyweds and fall asleep after Aqua Teen Hunger Force comes on.

I wear outfits that cost less than our purse.

I think I need to be famous.

And then my non style will become the hottest style.

I want to do an experiment.

I wish I could get the guys at US magazine to put me in there.

Just me leaving a Starbucks, with the caption, "And there's Ryan leaving with his mocha frappucino."

And then next week, a little one liner, "Rumor has it, a Miss Jessica Biel was seen cavorting with Ryan at the White Lotus."

And become famous.

Create my own fame.

So do any of you guys own US or InTouch magazine?


From Muscle68

I wish I would've written this, but I didn't.

My Favorite E-mail Of The Week

I wanted to see if you were interested in going to downtown dallas on sunday afternoon. Why you ask? Well, downtown dallas just happens to be a beutiful city with lots of hip resturaunts and bars, and also offers some of the finest shopping in TX............................okay, I need a ride home from the bus station, but if you can't it's cool I'll either ask kevin or give a homeless person a cigerette to carry me on his back. It's really easy to find, it's right across the street from the green building on the south side of the building next to Mcdonalds. So if you can, awesome. If you can't, then I hate you, kidding, it's cool too. Also I wanted to see if you were going to ask your brother if he would video tape us on Wed. at the skatepark. Just tell him they sell speed there.

Alight well you get back to me on this matter, and don't forget to include the TPS reports this time okay, Lumbergs gonna have my ass if you forget again. Didn't you get that memo? Anways

My Favorite Blog Comment of the Week

Rob you are great, you know that don't you? Yeah, you're my favorite Texas asshat.

-swirly girl

Sex on Stage
Couple has sex on stage. At the Quart Music Festival. While, uh, Cumshots is on stage...

Terror in the Skies, Again?

Read this. Think what you want of the story, but the airlines are just as unsafe as they were before 9/11. Terrorists are smart. Very smart. And we're a country of politically correct pussies so scared of "racially profiling" that we totally ignore common sense.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Stephen Wrightism
Found at Leif's Blog

“You ever wonder why the alphabet is in that order? ... Is it because of that song?”

Monday, July 19, 2004

Britney's Cellulite?

Meet Virginia

Every person named Virginia has a vagina, and every person named Dick has a dick. Now if you happen to be named Virginia and you don’t have a vagina what do you think about the name Dick? If your name is Dick and you look down and you don’t see a dick you could be dick-less. However, don’t assume right away that you are dick-less. Always do the feel test. A quick hand check should clear up the confusion.

If Virginia and Dick meet up for a few drinks, a slow dance, there is a good chance that Virginia will kiss dick if she’s not a virgin Virginia. Typically a virgin Virginia won’t kiss dick on the first date. But if Virginia isn’t a virgin Virginia there’s a strong chance that dick will meet Virginia’s vagina. Now if Dick isn’t aware that he’s dick-less then Virginia will not be able to kiss dick. And that is so sad.

The End


Sunday, July 18, 2004

99 Problems
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend. When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement. When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. Now, I am older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

Found at Fuck Everything, who found it somewhere else.

Happy birthday to Sabrina and her all knowing vagina.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

356 Pics in 40 Seconds
This had to go away cause it was just too damn big.

Biebel says: Ya gotta drink water, homey!

Friday, July 02, 2004

Steve Nash


Say it ain't so...

Hero to short white guys everywhere, Dallas badass Steve Nash is leaving the Mavericks... What a sad, sad day.

Five years and over $65 million to sign with the Phoenix Suns. Supposedly that's $20 million more than the Mavs would offer, you can't blame him, but ya also can't blame Cuban for not wanting to spend 13 a year on a guy who'll be 35 in five years (see Gary Payton). But this still really really really sucks...

Once again ya gotta put your faith in Cuban, who never fails to amaze; he could very likely work some magic and end up getting K-Mart, Shaq, Kidd, Dampier, who knows.

I wouldn't be surprised if Cuban managed to trade Antoine Walker for the cure for AIDS and brought Magic Johnson out of retirement.


How to Eat Pussy

CLITS THAT NEED A SERIOUS GOING OVER - These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the guy who killed your partner. Separate him from his buddies (the lips) and suck him right up into your mouth. Now he's on your turf. Keep him erect by creating an air-tight vacuum chamber in your mouth. Slap the little bugger upside the head with one big tongue bonk. He's not going to tell you shit because he's a clit and he has no idea what you're talking about, but kick his ass anyway. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat him senseless like a boxer whacking a speed bag.

Jesus Sells Soma

Link Link | Swirling Dirvish | Evo-Flash
Turtle | Lil Amy | Bitter Man
Angel | Anna