Sunday, September 25, 2005

Water For The Marathon Runner Day!

You've been in town for three weeks now and you haven't met a soul. Your parents and friends back home are sick of you calling late at night just because you need to hear a friendly voice. It's time for you to put yourself out there and draw some people in. What better way to do that than to go down to the finish line of a marathon and dole out some water?

You've been to the finish line of a marathon before. As they come in, the runners are all clamoring for water because they're thirsty and their legs are covered in shit and blood.

That’s where you come in. You'll sidle up with your aluminum bucket and drinking straw and you'll say, "Drink up." The runner will gulp down half the bucket, and with the other half he'll scrub his feces from the part of his legs that he chafed raw so that he can properly dress his wounds. When he looks at you to thank you for essentially saving his life, say, "I'd be up for a bite to eat if you are. I'm new in town."

The runner will smile and wink at you, which is the symbol for "You want to have sex with me don't you?" If you smile and wink back, that's the symbol for "Yes, I want to have sex with you. Really hard." Don't smile and wink back unless you want to have sex with the runner.

If he sees that you haven't smiled and winked back at him, the runner will say, "Oh, so just a friendly bite?"

Say, "Yes. I saved your life pretty much just now."

The runner will agree that you did and he'll say, "It'll be a day or so before I can hold down solid food. But I'd be willing to sit on the grass over there and talk. If you don't mind me passing out from time to time."

Unless you mind him passing out from time to time, take him up on his offer. You just might have yourself a new friend if the runner doesn't turn out to be a cock.

Happy Water For The Marathon Runner Day!